The Conversation
I still remember the evening.
We were sitting at the kitchen table reviewing options.
Home health aides.
Shared caregiving schedules.
Transportation services.
Various possibilities existed.
Then Mark casually said:
“Maybe you should take some time off work.”
I stared at him.
“What?”
“You know, just temporarily.”
I thought he meant a few vacation days.
Maybe a short leave.
Then he clarified.
“No, I mean leave your position for a while and focus on helping Mom.”
I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or be offended.
Waiting For The Rest Of The Plan
Surely there was more.
There had to be.
Perhaps he planned to leave his job too.
Perhaps we’d share responsibilities equally.
Perhaps I misunderstood.
Instead, he continued explaining why my career should be the one placed on hold.
His job paid slightly more.
His schedule was demanding.
His advancement opportunities were important.
His responsibilities couldn’t wait.
Notice a pattern?
Everything centered around his career.
Mine seemed strangely expendable.
The Double Standard
That’s when something clicked.
If the situation were reversed, would anyone suggest he quit his job?
Would anyone assume his career should automatically take a back seat?
I doubted it.
Strongly.
Somehow, despite all our conversations about equality and partnership, the default expectation remained the same.
The woman would adjust.
The woman would sacrifice.
The woman would figure it out.
